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Why I Do ART

Why I do ART?

Answer ; "To Live"

This is too obscure to explain the true reason and its supporting factors that lays deep inside my heart.

The reason I'm writing this blog is after participating in the craft fair in japan, there seem to be a slight chance that I can explain this very vague feelings in words for the first time.

When I look back at my life, there's always this unbearable feeling that can not be wiped away. Past studies and jobs gave me a lot of experiences, but somewhere in my mind, the question pops up. "Are you sure you did you best?" I'm a rather positive minded person, but when it comes to this question I couldn't keep my head up.

When I moved to U.S. after marriage and before obtaining my working visa, even before thinking about "what am I going to do now!?" I've decided to do art. The thought was just there, without any consideration. After taking many classes and workshops, and completing my first stained glass mosaic coasters my heart shook with happiness. It is probably the method of how mosaics are made that got me that way. You cut and paste the glass tiles, grout it and clean it up. It's that cleaning process where the beauty of glass shines like it is speaking to us saying "it's done."

Then my workshops days starts following with the experiment of materials and techniques. My husband listened to me patiently after I come back with an excited look and a new technique. After 2 years of practicing the basics I started to seek my originality in this art form. I wanted more freedom in colors other than just the colors of the tiles and glasses. While I was working on my own piece looking for a way to create a sense of magical flow in the starry sky background, my teacher advised me to use acrylics and clear glass. When I tried, I knew immediately that this is the type of art I have to pursue. I still remember that second chill, the one I felt after my first coasters.

From that day on, it was the continuous days of figuring out the balance between acrylics and glasses. I still remember the words from the experienced artist back then. The advices they gave me always surprised my worried mind. And it's just the countless repetition of those days.

Another year passed by and this May I've decided to show my art in public for the first time. I started to prepare for a local art show when my mosaic friend invited to me their group. Because of the excitement, I got carried away during preparation thinking "this is going to be the biggest success of my life!" But when the pieces are completed, even though I'm satisfied with the way it turned out, I got worried every night thinking "Is this really ok?" As a result, my first public art show was good enough for me to continue. Many people ended up buying my piece as a gift and not for themselves. I did make enough to be able to continue creating, but I was feeling a little blue. Without any official sales platform on internet I was receiving couple of orders but mainly from Japan. I began to think "is my art not acceptable in the U.S.?"

Since art is not something functional, letting my art in public is like showing every detail of what is in my heart. So when it is accepted, I feel so so happy that I can kiss and hug a stranger, but when it is not it almost feels like everything I've done in my life is worthless.

So my mind was shifting toward craft fair in Japan instead of the next local art show in U.S. I wanted to challenge again with whatever I was missing the last time. Did I do my best to create something good? Didn't I just choose the concept for self satisfaction? Did I even tried to think about the happiness of that person who'll have my art? And the future significance of my artwork? "Think about the future of the unknown owner"s life" When the goal became clear, it lead me to the concept of "nature". It might sound little cheeky but I hoped that whoever hold my art would feel the same way when I saw the beautiful colors of nature. So I flew to Japan with 14 pieces of ocean, sky and forest themed work.

That's the story of me from when I started mosaic art until the Tokyo craft fair last month.

And now. I'm getting ready for the online shop starting next year as well as the next local U.S. art show in May. Other than participating in the show, I continue to work alone in my home. As always the sudden glimpse of loneliness and feeling of being isolated from the world follows me. And I feel that it will continue to do so. But the reason why I won't quit, I don't want to quit is for the first time in my life, I believe that this road will lead me to the place that I can finally be proud of myself. That one day I will be able to say "I did my best." And I know the thought will always be there, that I want this beauty I see in my head to come alive with all the power I possess in my body and to create something good to this world.

I was able to gain some satisfaction after the show in Japan. My heart was melting every time I heard people happily talking about how they were going to display the piece when they get home. Thinking back, I think I was craving for some kind of acceptance to gain self confidence. After receiving that from many kind hearted people this time, a small but strong axis is built inside me as a maker.

Happiness grows, when I know that something we create as abstract as our feelings is accepted by others.

And I want to experience that happiness forever. That is why I do ART.

















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