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Mind set on when everything start to happen

2020 was a tough year for everybody. As for me, it felt like someone flipped the table with a full course meal that I prepared for days. While I stood there in amazement, almost in shock, the world kept moving, and so did I. Surprisingly, I didn’t felt so pessimistic. Switched up everything online, and did as much as I can in the first 6 months. And while I was waiting for some result to show, that was when everything actually stopped.

Did I do something wrong? Did people not like my art? But hey, it’s during a pandemic so I guess I understand. My mind was spinning with anxiety but nothing was changing so I kept creating. My mind was becoming numb around last November and started to think anything won’t happen unless Covid is gone.

When things start to happen, I guess you won’t ever notice it beforehand.

I started to get contact from people by email or even visiting. Since nothing happened to me until November 2020, I was literally in shock. My heart was beating fast all the time and I couldn’t sleep at night. Telling myself, “oh they are just inquiring.” but all of them sounded serious. My heart jumped every time I received an email. I remember each and every encounter and everything taught me something. I wasn't even used to being praised for my artwork so was uncertain about their nice comments but after a while, it was all gone.

So when people ask “what triggered the movement?” My answer is I don’t really know. I just believe it was time for every little seed I've planted along the years to spout. With all the miracles that happened since November last year, I was given the courage and the direction to proceed to create large-scale artworks in 2021. It is a mysterious feeling, honestly. Like a baby who just learned to stand up on its own, was suddenly picked up by an adult and lifted up high in the air. Seeing a views that I never though I'd see for myself. If there’s anything I can add to that, I’m just sincerely grateful.

So what can I do this year for those people who appreciate and support my art practice? Just like cooking a good stew, I want to take my time and pour out everything into my art. And upgrade my language skills so the words can also complement the work.

Devoting myself to improve my art practice is the reason I exist.






いきなり問い合わせが入るようになって、メールだったり直接だったり、色んな人から連絡がくるようになった。むしろ年末まで何もなかったのでいきなりで心臓に悪かった。笑 ドキドキが止まらないし、なんだか夜もソワソワして寝られない。期待はあまりせず、問い合わせだけだろうと思っていても、相手は真剣そう。メールが来るたびに胸が高鳴る感覚、今でもはっきりと覚えている。1つ1つのやりとりがとても新鮮で、すべてが勉強になった。得に褒められ慣れていないので、本当にそう思う・・・?なんて自身の無さも回数を重ねる毎に消えていった。

結局何がきっかけかって聞かれるとよくわからない。蒔き続けた色んな小さな種が芽吹いてくれたとしか言いようがないけど、そんな奇跡があって2021年は時間をかけて大きな作品を中心に作っていこうという勇気を方針を人からもらえた。不思議なもので、感覚としては一人で赤ちゃんが立ったあとに、人に高い高いをしてもらった感覚?に近いのかな?笑 自分では思ってもいなかった景色が見えるあの感じ。一言添えるなら自分を信じてくれた人に感謝しかない。



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